NO parallels . . .

I have had a rather unique one-of-a-kind week. My college closed down and all hostels have been evacuated for a week for fear of being instrumental in the procedure of increasing the number of swine flu cases in the city. For better or for worse, is yet to be known. I have been staying at my local guardians’ place for the last one week and I have semester exams lined up to compensate for the new year celebrations(read: NO celebrations :|). Here, I am listing some of the many things in life that simply have no possible parallels in the world, and this week made me re-realize and cherish these little sweet things of life :)

1. There is nothing like the morning sleep on this entire planet! Not that I had not known the pleasure of being tucked inside my warm quilt. But the 9 o’ clock, mess-gets-goddammit-closed-and-you’ll-be-stuck-starving-till-lunch, timings in the hostel have literally robbed me of my most-loved morning sleep. This whole week, every single day was simply awesome because it begun with loooooong sleeps :P .
(Note: This is only for those humans who know the pleasure of waking up at 12 in the noon to lazy afternoons :D )

2. Examinations have an inherent quality of scaring me. I have already prepared almost everything for my internal exams, and still if I don’t study for a decent amount of time in a day, I begin to feel restless. Funny thing is, when I do study, I don’t feel like studying. Well, but this is one thing I get to realize every time exams come ,so not really a big deal :P
(Note: I am kinda scared of my upcoming exams, but more than that, I am bored of being scared of exams :P)

3. Basically, I am not a real foodie. However, there is little that can be done to resist home-made food! Ofcourse, there is nothing like maa-ke-haathon-ka-khaana :P, but home-made food is so much better than even the weekend food of the hostel mess (The meals on the weekends are special in hostel; or atleast they think so ! Whatever! ). And then the ultimate power of eating anything at any hour of the day is ultimately empowering :)).
(Note: Food is probably one of the most substantial reasons that make me miss mum in hostel :P )

4. The network of my cell phone here is awful. I have not been able to take calls from atleast 10 people and I am sure each one of them has been dying to talk to me :P. That makes me realize how much I love my phone (it’s the cheapest ‘dabba’ you can possibly get from Samsung :P ). Every time my friends in hostel would tell me that, I’d simply tell them off. But a little time away from friends, and I discover my long-lost love for my littlte ‘dabba’ <3
(Note: I’ll call all those people back, and very soon :D )

5. Friends are my support system. Surprisingly, this week, old friends have been calling up when I cannot really take many calls. But it feels amazing to be in touch with all of them, and although I know most of my friends are going to have a gala time when I am stuck here on new year, as they are mostly done with their exams; I’d love to wish them Merry Christmas and A very happy New Year :).
(Note: I miss you guys :), and I love this fact ;) )

6. There are very few people in the world who allow you to share an incredible level of comfort with them. My sister is one of those handfuls for me. I was telling her the other day; if we had been living together, just the two of us, it would have been such a relief to come back home in the evening, tired, to find all the happiness in her little smile. Strange thing is, she loves me for all the stupid things I am. She, indeed, in the truest sense, is home to me :).
(Note: Cutest little thing she is >:D< ! Oh c’mon! That’s not even a note 8-} )


Well, that is quite something to be realized in a week’s time! I guess life has a way of making us cherish its beauty :).

p.s. I love the metro view from the balcony too. I’ll post about my first ride in the metro sometime. Not soon enough, though. Exams, you see :| !)

Sssshhhhhh .

“Each one of us has a unique gift. In some, it is speech; in some silence.”

I came across this line yet again, when I was reading “Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul-II” yet again (that is because the last time I read it I was in ninth standard and I hardly remember a word I had read then). Beautiful lines, indeed.

The first rule of a happy life is to know and to realize that every element has a complementary element. Having known that, it becomes hell easier to see the good and positive in a lot of things. Not always maybe, but often. Someone asked me yesterday if I am the “silent-types”. And I was actually wondering what to tell if I was expected to answer in a ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Thankfully, he has an extremely patient ear and I was allowed to give a more elaborate answer.

Basically, I generally tend to form opinions about myself on the basis of what people tell me about myself. Not always maybe, but often. A little self analysis doesn’t hurt anyways!
>> Well, the people who are simply acquaintances for me come up to me a lot of times and tell me to talk a little more, often complaining I remain too silent.
>> Those who are close friends tell me a million times in a day that I go on and on and on.
>> My roomie tells me to shut up a lot of times in a day :P, and I appreciate her for that :P.
>> My closest friend ‘Aditi’ told me once that I listen patiently and say just the right thing, without overdoing or under-doing the talking (though she told me to forget this instantly so as to prevent me from getting on the ninth cloud :P).
>> At home, almost everyone gets fed up of my comic acts and ‘stupid blabber’ (in one of my close friend’s words :P).

Putting the pieces together trying to get a bigger picture, I identify myself as an awkward combination of an introvert and an extrovert, a shy and a gullible person. But isn’t that what we all are most of the times? Never black, never white. But all shades of grey. . .

I guess when you are entering a new arena, it is important to be a little gullible. But as your relationship grows, it becomes almost mandatory to inculcate the virtue of ‘silence’ in oneself. Isn’t that what we crave for the most- A patient, loving and understanding ear? And then there are other times, when you really need someone who can go on and on and on so you can just sit there listening. It is so beautiful to find how complementary values are an inevitable part and parcel of almost everything. :-?

I am not really sure if I am completely the silent-types, considering the number of hours I talk to mum on the phone :P, but I’d happily prefer calling myself the ‘silent-types’ :)

--- Yours FOREVER ---

“I am yours Forever.”
“You are all mine.”
“All I need in life is –YOU.”

These and many such similar phrases unknowingly instill a lot of happiness in a lot of people. Strange though it may sound, they would just implant doubt, disbelief and suspicion in me. :-?

When Sir told us in class : “If someone tells you, “I love you” , it is still believable. But if someone comes up to you and tells you, “I only love you”, tell yourself there is something seriously wrong and unbelievable cooking up.” ; I was more than overwhelmed :P. Not because noone has ever come up and told me that :P :)). But because I have always had this notion. How unbelievable it is to even imagine a person belonging to just YOU, no matter how common it seems to have become in today’s life!

I confess, I have never been in a relationship. But I wonder, even if I was, in the-so-called love with someone, would it cancel and nullify all the other people in my life, and would I then belong to just one person on earth :-/; as they say, and I only dare quote, “I am all Yours, Forever”.

And Ouch! That last word pinched!
And here sprouts the bigger question! How long a duration does a “Forever” signify? Now please don’t tell me a ‘Forever’ means a ‘Forever’! Ofcourse it doesn’t :-??

The point I am trying to make here is that it is practically unfeasible to have just one person in your life and spend your entire life with that one person- Truly, madly, deeply! And if that is taken, wouldn’t it imply that it should be acceptable and rather more probable to be in love with more than one person at the same time for a longer time, than being in a short-lived romantic relationship with one person? And isn’t our heart filled with uncountable, infinite love? And isn’t it enough to be bestowed upon not just one privileged one? And doesn’t that make people who are in-love-with-just-one-person look seemingly selfish?

No no! I am not promoting, or for that matter, even supporting infidelity. What I mean to put forward is simply that why does romantic love for one person make us so self-centered! Wasn’t love supposed to be all goody-goody? Wasn’t it supposed to be all about giving? Wasn’t love supposed to be infinite- so much that it would always be good enough to be given away? Then why do almost all people I know suddenly seem to have undergone a transformation after they have been said to be in love?

Not convinced? I am not sure if even I am.:P

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I am back in hostel after screwing my dead head with this shopping thing! I am almost satisfied with the amount of money I have spent (I am not really a miser. I just like spending a little money and saving lots of money :P). I’d prefer confirming if my shopping is good enough or not from a friend who has a nice choice and gives a critical view of the stuff. My roomie is just the perfect person for this! If it’s good, it’s good! If it isn’t, she’ll tell me “Better luck, next time: P”. But I guess she should be busy on the phone right now. I’d better go and take suggestions from someone else. Maybe a little less efficient at it, but a little more willing at least!
You think I should check on my roomie first?
Well, I doubt if you’d understand how my intuitions are almost always correct. But, I’d try explaining.
Let’s put it this way, then.

Just find a friend who is showing those stupid symptoms of being-in-love (those of the kinds-talking about the same person, finding everything right about the person, having no problems at all to go out of their way just to bring a smile on that one person’s face, etc. etc. etc.). And then (iff your friend is in the category of people I am talking about), you are expected to find the following events taking place around you:

1. The person (say A) bugs you like hell talking about that person (say B).
2. A spends so much time with B that you wonder if she is still sane.
3. Everything (read: EVERYTHING) B does, is the perfect thing for A.
4. They might fight continuously for hours, but they would still be the only ones for each other.
5. A suddenly realizes that she has no time left for anything else in this world other than for B.
6. You get to hear of A’s friends less often.
7. A starts looking really busy now.
8. You get to hear of A’s friends even less often.
9. A can be found feeling completely lost and lonely in a crowd (read: group)of as many as 20 people (read: friends).
10. You get to hear of A’s friends even less often.
11. A begins to assume B will not eat, drink, sleep if it wasn’t A reminding B, or vice-versa.
12. A’s friends cease to exist.
13. A and B are as good as happily (not really sure about this part :P) married.
14. It seems, A’s world would have been a vacuum if it weren’t for B.
15. Well, forget it! It can go on till eternity!

And ya, if it’s A’s birthday! You are insane to even think you had the right to give birthday wishes at 12! Ofcourse that right is solely and completely reserved by B!

Sorry if you find that too biased (I bet you are either A or B; anything but me :P).
That’s what “love” is like, most of the time! I don’t have a problem with the love they are sharing together. It should be an awesome feeling :-?
But how unknowingly they keep kicking out people, one after the other, is indeed a pity! Isn’t love for one and for all? Shouldn’t it spread happiness and more love in the surrounding? Shouldn’t it retain its own privacy, at the same time making other people feel loved too? Doesn’t everyone deserve to be loved anyways? :-??

I wonder if all this is justifiable :-?
I wonder if my definition of love is just a fairy-tale version of the real, practical thing :-?
Maybe I am acting too stern towards people who are in love, just because I am not :-/
Maybe I am just assuming things that never are. :-/



I decide to share my shopping experience with my roommate. I pick up my new pair of blue jeans, and the black shoes that I had found hiding behind a not-so-good-looking pair of chappals after so much hard work; and progress towards my room-mate. :)

I call out, “Hey, look! I went shoppinnnnggg!” :D

She turns around and signals me to keep my voice low, blushes and tells me to wait for a minute so she could wind up her phone conversation with her beloved.

I simply smile. Why did I doubt my intuitions even for a minute! I already know how long this minute is going to last /). I slip into my pyjamas and am off to sleep, praying. I wish their “love” lasts forever (read: F.O.R.E.V.E.R.) :). I earnestly do.
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An Encounter with my inner self

I looked around .
Darkness was all I could sense .
I closed my eyes .
Voices cried, "Let there be light";
And I saw my dreams lit up!


It was one of the most over-whelming experiences I have had in my li'l life. There is a lot that can be said about what I felt during the last 1 week, but it is something that needs no telling, no saying... At one point of time, I think what was it that they did to me in these "Art Of Living" classes? ; and just then the realization: Whatever happened,atleast a part of it, is beyond human comprehension :-?

Whatever it was, there is one thing I can say without an ounce of doubt; Life is not going to be the same. My heart is filled with immense gratitude. My soul with love, my mind with silence, now all that is left to be done is to fill my hands with action :)

I know the blessings will work. They will have to work for me :)
Jai Gurudev :)

Equal opportunities to ALL?

That is one phrase I used to come across a lot during my civics lectures. It is actually amazing how this phrase envelopes in it so much hope, inspiration and good-will, without leaving the slightest impression of its lack of logic! It is indeed a dream, and probably nothing more. Without doubt, this huge world has everything to offer to people but equality- be it equality regarding opportunities, luxuries, success, failure, acquaintances, or any other damn parameter. It’ll be no exaggeration to say and believe that there isn’t even equality of love in this world. You have it, he doesn’t. I have it, she doesn’t. But does it suffice our needs simply because we have quite enough? Is it really enough to have enough for you? :-/

I wonder. I wonder a lot…

Precisely, I have an extremely blessed and happy life, in a way. I hardly have anything to complain about. There is work to do, friends to talk to, family to rely on, and lots of stuff to experience. Though I find it really strange how a lot (and mind you, a LOT!) of people do not have as much:-??. Some do not have family, some do not have friends; some are in search of work, some in search of love. Some of them are struggling hard to earn two meals a day. Some aren’t sure if they’ll survive through the day. Some are praying badly that God ends up their unbearable lives. All the more strange fact about the whole scenario is how most of them are suffering due to no fault of their own! :-/

And they say there is God in heaven. I wish there is. I wish He wakes up soon to the cries of millions. I wish He has all the power to let the good win over the evil.

Probably if I had just one wish, it might be this- I wish there is a God up there to undo all the wrong.

X Adults NOT allowed! X

Errr…the fact of the matter is that I am 19 :|

I know it doesn’t sound like “I am Harry Potter”, nor like “I am a vampire” /). But still, somehow being a “Harry Potter” or a “Vampire” still doesn’t scare me as much as the whole idea of being in the last of your teens. I am 19. Think about it! Doesn’t this imply that I am no more going to be a teenager in the count of almost 6 months?! And doesn’t that imply that people are going to completely ignore my view when I would be shouting around saying, “I’m still a kid, yaar!” And doesn’t that imply that I am no more going to be identified as a kid?! And doesn’t that mean … well! Whatever!! These are a little too many implications , I guess! :-s

Well, to be very precise, I am scared of the idea of growing up :|. The other day, I was telling this to a friend.

Hold on. I’ll just let you into this part of the conversation.

Me: “When I was gonna be 18, I was hell excited. But now it’s getting ACTUALLY a lil scary”

Him: “Hehe..I was excited when I was turning 15; never been very excited after that :P ”

Good for him, I must say. It was indeed amazing to see how my excitement to be 18 just kept on decreasing just after my 18^th birthday :|. Now I know, that I am not a kid anymore; that I am completely and solely responsible for my thoughts and actions; that my actions don’t just affect me, but also a whole lot of other people whose prestige and respect and bla bla bla are dependent on my behaviour, actions and perspective. Isn’t this more than enough to scare a kid? :O ( Aahh paleez! i AM a kid!! For heaven’s sake )

Then, there are a few people I have had an awesome relationship with in my childhood, and when I see them growing up, some in their mid 20’s now, some in their late 20’s now, it scares me! They are hell busy! They just don’t have ANY time to breathe! They can’t call me up anymore (hardly receive my calls)! They are tensed about their careers! They are running all day and night to make a living! AND anyone would bet their lives to say that these people are really successful! I am not sure if I want that kind of life :-??

If that’s what happens when you grow up, I am extremely happy as a kid! I refuse to accept that I am a grown up! And anyways, most people who meet me for the first time, always end up thinking I am 16 years old or something :P. Feels nice, actually :P

Mummmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :P

The CHOSEN one B-)

Ummm…well…I am at home for more than a month at least, with specifically NOTHING to do! :D

Sounds fun to me, at least for now! :P

I’m back after almost three months; and to be precise, this is the longest time for which I have stayed away from home; for good or for worse. The initial period is quite fun…to be away from home, with friends, all on your own, all up to yourself, living at your whims and fancies! But, truly, with so many exams continuously { I had exams continuously for more than a month on just six subjects! :O :-L X-( }, you tend to lose touch with yourself! Even the people around you become simply unbearable; little things become huge issues! Little arguments become huge disagreements! And this is exactly that happened to me over the last few weeks. I was simply not myself! My roomies were all fed up of my behaviour ( as I was fed up of their behaviour :P ). There was a little too much to handle, and yet nothing significant enough to do! Exams were getting to my nerves, and I really did not know what to do! And then it was my health, that was deteriorating day by day, and I was to blame for all of it (though I really do not know how!).

Thankfully , I have a REALLY huge support system. Family and friends are the one and only treasure I possess. No matter how stupid, idiotic, duffer and insignificant my problems are, they listen so patiently, give back their invaluable views and suggestions, without pushing me through anything, just guiding me through the tough stuff, by just being there! There is something about this whole phenomenon that I have never been able to get into my head --- and that is--- what the hell did I ever do to deserve people like these in my life! /)

Through all the tough times , all the ups and downs, there is this bunch of people who have been there with me, all the time, whenever I needed them. I might be feeling totally lost, pathetic, lonely or anything on this planet, and just then they’d call up just to say a “hii” and any word they say feels like heaven to me! There is something about them that is so pure, true , cute and convincing that I just can’t help but listen to them. All the problems, tensions, worries, whatsoever simply seem to disappear in the blink of an eye :-??

My roomie says I am “completely obsessed” with my friends and the whole concept of friendship. I’d agree I am. But who could refrain from being so, when you have friends like THAT! If there is god in heaven, she/he has been truly kind to me :-?. I am blessed. Or as they would say in the HP lingo – “the CHOSEN one” :P

Love you guys :) >:D<

Love Story :P

Okay, I confess i am jobless and a little too lost. Hence { Mental note: I should use this word less often, once my report was rejected because of the words "hence" and "therefore" :( . Anyways :P }, I read "Love story" by Erich Segal, yet again, today :D. I lost my copy of the book a couple of months back :x, so I'm trying to scribble down stuff frfom this favourite book of mine, for memory purposes :P.



I'll try to put down as many as possible /)



#We spoke in whispers.
'Hey, Jen...'
'Yeah?'
'Jen...what would you say if i told you...'
I hesitated.She waited.
'I think...I'm in love with you.'
There was a pause. Then she answered very softly.
'I would say...you were full of shit.'
She hung up.
I wasn't unhappy.Or surprised.#

# ‘You want to marry me?’
‘Yes.’
She tilted her head, did not smile, but merely inquired:
‘Why?’
I looked her straight in the eye.
‘Because,’ I said.
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘That’s a very good reason.’
She took my arm (not my sleeve this time), and we walked along the river. There was nothing more to say, really.#

#‘Ollie, think,’ she said, her tone kind of pleading now. ‘Sixty goddamn years old. Nothing says he’ll still be around when you’re finally ready for the reconciliation’. #

#‘Hey, listen, you bitch,’ I said.

'What, you bastard?’ she replied.
‘I owe you a helluva lot,’ I said sincerely.
‘Not true, you bastard, not true,’ she answered.
‘Not true?’ I inquired, somewhat surprised.
‘You owe me everything,’ she said.#

#CHANGE OF ADDRESS
From July I,1967
Mr and Mrs Oliver Barrett IV
263 East 63rd Street
New York, N.Y. I002I #

#I began to think about God.
I mean, the notion of a Supreme Being existing somewhere began to creep into my private thoughts. Not because I wanted to strike Him on the face, to punch Him out for what He was about to do to me – to Jenny, that is. No, the kind of religious thoughts I had were just the opposite. Like when I woke up in the morning and Jenny was there. Still there. I’m sorry, embarrassed even, but I hoped there was a God I could ay thank you to. Thank you for letting me wake up and see Jennifer.#

#We all have our idiosyncratic ways of coping with grief. Phil’s was to clean the place. To wash, to scrub, to polish. I don’t really understand his thought processes, but Christ, let him work.
Does he cherish the dream that Jenny will come home?
He does, doesn’t he? The poor bastard. That’s why he is cleaning up. He just won’t accept things for what they are. Of course, he won’t admit this to me,but I know it’s on his mind.
Because it’s on mine too.#

#‘Oliver,’ said my father urgently, ‘ I want to help.’
‘Jenny’s dead,’ I told him.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said in a stunned whisper.

Not knowing why, I repeated what I had long ago learned from the beautiful girl now dead.
‘Love means not ever having to say you’re sorry.’#

~Love it :) ~

AWFUL! is the word!

Short term memory loss !?!

Watched GHAJINI today.. Liked it quite much.. Adding to the line of Aamir khan movies :D

Anyone who has watched it would agree it is a kind of movie that has an impact on you for quite a worthwhile time.. However what struck me most was how an audience would find it so different to see someone with a so-called short term memory loss problem. 50 first dates is one of my favourites, the one in which this girl has a 1-day long memory retention power. It did not strike me then, but ofcourse there is a very strong social message attached to Ghajini.. which compels me to find me and you too, just like the protagonist, in a way. Sometimes, we are so touched by some issues, emotions n stuff that are on the screen. We suddenly begin to feel for it so strongly. We hate the particular situation or evil thing portrayed in a story so much. And then ... a day gone, n we get busy with our lives so much, we can't see how the issue effects us. Infact, in a day or two, it doesn't even remotely appear to touch our lives. And anything that's not directly effecting me, doesn't really seem to have a long term influence on me :-?

Doesn't it seem a little like even we are patients of the same DISEASE of having a short term memory? We see child labor everyday, we see all sorts of corrupt things every minute ( we are part of it too many-a-times), we feel so touched n charged when we watch a TZP, or a Phir Milenge, and then the memory is lost. We don't seem to remember what we have seen; we don't even seem to know it's happening around us. I feel worried when i know i am part of a society that is suffering from a short term memory loss. Aren't all of us patients of the disease too?


Does anything seem to make a difference to us? Child labor? Child abuse? Women trafficking? Poverty? Disability? Even if any of these make a difference to us, am i doing anything for it? And if i am not, do i even deserve to be a part of a place where human beings, with the same senses that i am gifted with, are living in devastated , deprived and unjust conditions?

I donno, i guess. I just am sure of the fact that i am simply doing nothing for any issue, and i don't see how little acts can add up and make a difference someday.. I am not sure if whatever is being done in any corners of the wide, huge world, is sufficient enough to make a difference. I am just dawned with a little horrifying realization that i, like a million others, might as well be counted as a patient of a short term memory loss medical problem.




And we still find it amazing to see the aamir khan character on the screen. Some watched with their mouths wide open how the character could not remember anything after every 15 minutes. I'd still appreciate the character. At least he tried like hell to keep his memory intact. We don't even care to be cured.

The most amazing part is that we don't even know that we are patients. We even forget that too /)
huh!

And still, we would prefer calling ourselves superior to any other animal.


I don't see how we really are :-??