The Eighth Deadly Sin

 * wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. *

If there could have possibly been an eight sin in addition to the Seven Deadly Sins, it would probably be the-judgemental-attitude. Or maybe not? :-/

Well as a kid I always had this notion that one should not be judgmental. It’s not really a virtue to carry on with you. You are supposed to listen to people, look at situations and take your decisions. Passing judgements over other people’s actions, behavioural patterns and words is not expected out of the so-called “good” people. And to put it straight, I have grown up always trying to become “good” (not that I am really sure what that is actually supposed to mean).

But over the last few weeks I have been wondering about this. What’s so wrong about being judgemental? :-? Why is it such an obnoxious thing to be? Why does it count as a bad thing? Why can’t you simply be expected to depend on your judgements rather than your whims? And aren’t whims and judgements two different things? How does NOT being judgemental help anyways?

Wikipedia describes the word “Judgemental” as judgment of the rightness or wrongness of something, or of the usefulness of something, based on a personal view. As a generalization, a value judgment can refer to a judgment based upon a particular set of values or on a particular value system.

It is inevitable to have a personal value system just like it is impossible not to have a personal view about anything. And if one has either or both of these, why can’t one apply them to making new opinions? When you meet a new person, or get to know new people, how do you see them? Aren’t their words and actions the only doors to knowing them? Is there any human way possible to getting to know someone’s real thoughts and intentions? Come on! We don’t even know our own thoughts in an organized manner. Our words and their transition into actions define us, define who we are. And when two people meet each other, talk, share, love, laugh, cry… what other than words and actions have they got to exchange? And when we say, we know a person, what do we really mean? Obviously that we have known them for whatsoever amount of time through their words and actions. Nothing else is known, or knowable. Not that the unknowable isn’t worth knowing though.

So when we judge people, we actually make use of our intellect to determine what someone did or what someone appears to be is right or wrong, IN OUR OPINION. And how is that wrong? We all have the right to having and making our own opinions. I do not see how being being judgemental is not some sort of wisdom. Even more so in today’s world, which is flooded with falsehood, deceit, treachery, deception and lies. And (even though I am yet to meet with one single person who is not judgemental) if a person is not judgemental, what is her/his plan of action anyway? Being judgemental sure does not make you deceit-proof, but it does increase the chances of the same. Why, then, is it such a crime to be judgemental? It isn’t a crime to be wise for sure..

:-/

And still, whenever one of your conversations with someone you supposedly “know” ends up with that someone telling you that you are “judgemental” it sure doesn’t go down well with the system :-/

Yes I have! :-??

One thing I have learnt over the last few years is that no matter what you do, what you say, where you go, who you choose to be with, etc etc.. one thing is sure to be told to you.. and those three golden words are

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“You have changed” !

And believe me, eight of the ten times you are told that, it has got simply nothing to do with you.

That said, no person in their sane minds can disregard the universal fact that Homo sapiens is an ever- evolving species. As a human being, you have two choices at any given point in time: You evolve and adapt to the environment around you. Or you don’t , and die. The choice is yours.

What, then, is the big deal about? What really do people mean when they tell you “You have changed” ? What is it that they expect us to do as a response to this query of theirs? And is this even a query at all, or just a matter-of-fact-statement? They sure don’t expect us to spend our entire life being exactly the same person? Is that even humanly possible? :-?

Well, helping myself a bit with these questions, here I am putting down some simple and probable interpretations of the words “You have changed”. Lucky if you are, at least one of these interpretations might be “the” one for you :P

>> When you have gathered enough courage, for the first time ever, to say NO to someone, and they tell you “You have changed”, it probably means that it is something that they expected from you at some point of time in future, but not really now. Basically, here it is an expression of sheer disappointment at their own luck.

>>When you meet an old friend after a couple of years and you are told, “You have changed”, it definitely means that they expected you to be the same old I-don’t-care-what-I-wear-types, and are kind of surprised to see how the hell have you turned out to be so good-looking, pretty or handsome. In this case, it is a sure-shot expression of envy that cannot be helped :P

>>When you refuse to lend a thing to someone who keeps losing or damaging all the stuff you lend to them, and they tell you “You have changed”, it more than anything means that they are having their last shot at making you lend them your stuff. Evidently, the usage of the golden words here is just a desperate last attempt at getting the required article of concern here.

>>When you confront someone for having wronged you in life, and they tell you “You have changed”, it is nothing but their way of putting the blame of everything wrong onto an unreasonable fact that can let them get out of the dirt without getting dirty. Specifically, here is where these words are most inappropriately used or rather misused, to simply start the blame game.

>>When you are repeatedly asked by people to change yourself in some respect, and when you actually change yourself according to them, you are told “You have changed”; then it’s simply a change that they thought they wanted to make in you, but did not know if they could handle this “change”. These three words are an indication to their own ignorance of their wishes.

>>And then there is this last thing that happens to a lot of people. Sometimes one of your good qualities begin to hurt your own self so much that you intuitively decide to change that good quality into something not-so-good. Life is sometimes that bitter. Here again, you may be told “You have changed”. For the first time ever, they really mean what they say. This time the words mean “You HAVE changed”. Life has changed you.

                No matter what you do, what you say, where you go, who you choose to be with, there is nothing that can stop you from changing. Because it is an inherent and inevitable element of human nature. And anyone who claims they haven’t changed or never will, are lying. Not to you or to me, but more importantly to their own selves.

Happy Birthday Aditi!! 

Well .. yes.. I know this is not the best birthday gift ever, haan haan! But come on! I’m sure you can do with just this for the time being, you know your birthday presents are waiting for you somewhere out there!! In the shops ofcourse! You can’t expect me to have bought them already right?! I still have atleast 15 days B-) , not considering my previous record that is :P

Anyways, you know baby, I have been meaning to write this for months together, but making you crib about it just makes the whole experience grow tenfold! :P

Ok, let me get this straight to you! I love you! Soo much! And I don’t think I can have as close a friend ever in this life or another.

I love the way you make things going for me, every single time.

I love the way you have such a great and unique perspective about every goddamn thing in this world.

I love it when the same thing told by ten people looks rubbish to me, and then you, out of nowhere, tell me the same thing, in a way, that seems to put all the sense into it.

I love it when you call me every single Sunday, no matter what, (even if we have been talking every other day of the week), and the way you tell me I broke the rule when I don’t call you on Sundays :P

I love the way you let huge, problem-like situations go just like that, telling yourself and me that it’s no big deal.

I love the way you let little things get onto your nerve, saying this is what is going to shape our futures.

I love it when you talk all philosophical stuff. And it’s like you are talking my mind out!

I love it when you talk complete nonsense and tell me what a bore I am when I don’t seem to get most of it :P

I love it when you shop till you drop and then tell me every single detail about every little and big thing you got.

I love your little handwriting, and the way you take your assignments and notes and blah blah blah soo seriously. Nerd!

I love your little tricks that help me get through tight spots.

I love your answer to any imaginable question in this universe : “Google it! “

I love the random texts you send me just to tell me a little thing that happened through the day.

I love it when I don’t have to say a thing before letting you know “the thing”. You just know the look on my face sometimes, even the tone in my voice!

I love the way you have grown as a friend, and more as a person, over the last thirteen years. Thirteen awesome years I have had the pleasure to know you and know you more and know you more and more.

I love the grown up in you, the baby in you, even the granny in you!

I love the things I love about you.

I love the things I hate about you.

I love you girl!

And, this is just to let you know that if ever I had the choice of picking a third sister, it is not possible to imagine anyone but you, for that. You are not just a friend, you are my soul-sister. And no matter where life takes me ( I know it sounds soo-not-me), you will surely be a treasured part of it! :)

Happy Birthday again!

Cheer up! You are legally allowed to serve alcohol in bars now :P